[SNL] Jim Carrey - Overprotective Lifeguard

Overprotective Lifeguard    

Man / Will Ferrell 
Lifeguard / Jim Carrey 
Lap Swimmer/ Tim Meadows

SNL - 1996/05/18   Lifeguard:  No rough-housing.. in the spa! Settle down, please!  Man: You're, uh.. you're talking to me?  Lifeguard: Cut the horseplay, Sir.. or I'll be forced to eject you from the swimming facility.. thank you, so much!  Man: I'm sorry.. uh.. who exactly are you?  Lifeguard: Lifeguard on Duty, Sir! If you don't mind, I have to watch the water! Man: You're the lifeguard for the little jacuzzi here?  Lifeguard: Correct, Sir! Continue splashing, and I'll be forced to ban you from all aquatic activity! Thank you!  Man: you know, I'm just splashing water on myself, on my face..  Lifeguard:   Man: But I'm the only guy in this jacuzzi right now..  Lifeguard: I am on watch, Sir.. I cannot have this conversation right now!  ATTENTION, SWIMMER!! ATTENTION, SWIMMER!! YOU ARE TOO FAR!! RETURN IMMEDIATELY!!  Man: Are you talking to me?  Lifeguard: Slide back to the wall! You are blocking the bubble jets! Repeat! You are blocking the bubble jets!  Man: Alright, fine.. Is right here good?  Lifeguard: Watch that underow, Sir! It'll blow you right out! Watch out!  Man: Wait.. what is this..?  Lifeguard: Siz o'clock, Sir! This side of the pool is for lap swimming only!  Man: What?  Lifeguard: Afternoon, Mr. Garson!  Lap Swimmer: Good to see you, Frank!  Lifeguard: Lap time is over!  Lap Swimmer: Whoo! That felt great!  Lifeguard:  Resume general swim!  Man: [ stands up to dry himself ]  Lifeguard:  NO DIVING, SIR!! NO DIVING!!  Man: I'm not diving..!  Lifeguard:  THE ENTIRE STAFF APPRECIATES YOUR COOPERATION!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!  Man:  Oooh.. ahh.. ow..  Lifeguard: Is there an emergency, Sir?!  Man: No! I just got a small cramp in my toe..  Lifeguard: CRAMP?!  Everyone, be calm! Stay away from this area! There's nothing to see here!  Man: You're not talking about me, are you..?  Lifeguard: Swimmer, do not panic! I am a trained professional lifesaver! Do not fight me, Sir! Just relax!  Man: What the hell are you doing!!  Lifeguard: Can you hear me, Sir!  Man: Yes, I can you!  Lifeguard: Can you hear me!  Man: Yes!  Lifeguard:  Nooo! It's not your time yet! Man: I'm okay!! I AM OKAY!! You know, I don't appreciate this! This is HORRIBLE!!  Lifeguard: That's okay, Sir! You don't have to thank me! You've been exposed to a horrible trauma! Just play it safe from now on! I think I'm gonna go for a little swim!

 

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