[SNL] Justin Timberlake의 Jessica Simpson을 parody

Nick Lachey는 그녀의 남편 (현재는 이혼했음)


SNL  - 2003. 10.12

Nick: Hi. I'm Nick Lachey, formerly of the band 98 Degrees, and currently of.. well.. nothing.  
Jessica : And I'm his wife Jessica Simpson, formerly of the band.. Jessica Simpson.  

Nick: Recently, thanks to our TV show "Newlyweds", a lot of people have been saying a lot of nasty things about my wife!  

Jessica : Seriously, you guys - it's totally me! I'm not stupid! Okay.. okay, so I'm not some fancy "middle school" graduate!

Big whoop! Would my life really be any better if I went to whatever comes after middle school?! I don't think so!  

Nick : Look, here's the deal - I've known Jessica for a long time, and I know she's not gonna cure cancer, okay? To be honest.. I wouldn't even trust her to cure a ham.  

Jessica: [ concerned ] Awww.. the ham is sick?  

Nick: Once we got past all that.. I realized something very important - she wasn't going to let me have sex with her unless we were married.  

Jessica: Uh-uh, no way!  

Nick : So.. so I married her, and it was awesome! Like, really, really awesome! Then, it got less awesome. Then, it got awesome again, from different angles - you know what I mean.  

Jessica: [confused] What are you talking about, honey?  

Nick: Uh.. don't worry about it. Uh.. the point is - everyone should just back off, okay?  

Jessica: For reals, y'all! You guys are just overreacting! So what if I thought Chicken of the Sea tuna was actually chicken?!

Or that I thought buffalo wings were actually made out of buffalos?!

So what if I cried for three whole days when I thought that Peter Pan was ground up to make peanut butter?!

So what if I never learn to read or write?! And, when I sign autographs, I have to sign with an "X"?!

Nick: Okay honey, that's enough.. we've got it--  

Jessica: No, Nick! It's not enough! I want these people to know that it hurt my feelings...when they say I'm not ed-u-ma-cated, or whatever! I mean, if I'm so retarded, how come my driver's license says.. "functionally retarded"?!

Nick: Okay, honey, th-that's drop that..!  

Jessica: So, in conclusion, you may call me "Dumb".. you may call me "Stupid"..you may even call me "Dumb".. but think about this!

Nick:  Wh-what, honey? Think about what?  

Jessica : [ confused ] What?  

Nick: The point. You were making a point?  

Jessica: When? Can we go, honey? I have to drop the kids off at the pool!  

Nick: That's great, that's great, that's great..  

Jessica: When I said "pool", I meant "toilet"!  

Nick: Okay, I got it--  

Jessica: And "kids" meant "poop!"  

Nick: Okay, okay..  

Announcer: This has been a message from Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.  

이해를 돕기위한 내용 하나 추가
위에도 잠깐 나오는데 Newlyweds이란 program에 출연 Simpson과 남편 Nick Lachey의 신혼생활을 찍은 reality program인데,
Simpson은 '바다의 닭고기'라고 적힌 참치can을 보고 참치가 chicken이라고 믿었다고 한다.
이 방송 이후 Jessica Simpson은 간미연의 'Lose'사건과 윤은혜의 '축구를 왜 새벽에 하죠' 만큼의 멍청한 연예인으로 찍혔다.
그녀 역시 추후에 자신은 머리가 좋지만 program concept상 바보인척 했다고 했다.