[SNL] Jim Carrey - Overprotective Lifeguard
Overprotective Lifeguard
Man / Will Ferrell
Lifeguard / Jim Carrey
Lap Swimmer/ Tim Meadows
|
Lifeguard: No rough-housing.. in the spa! Settle down, please!
Man: You're, uh.. you're talking to me?
Lifeguard: Cut the horseplay, Sir.. or I'll be forced to eject you from the swimming facility.. thank you, so much!
Man: I'm sorry.. uh.. who exactly are you?
Lifeguard: Lifeguard on Duty, Sir! If you don't mind, I have to watch the water!
Man: You're the lifeguard for the little jacuzzi here?
Lifeguard: Correct, Sir! Continue splashing, and I'll be forced to ban you from all aquatic activity! Thank you!
Man: you know, I'm just splashing water on myself, on my face..
Lifeguard:
Man: But I'm the only guy in this jacuzzi right now..
Lifeguard: I am on watch, Sir.. I cannot have this conversation right now! ATTENTION, SWIMMER!! ATTENTION, SWIMMER!! YOU ARE TOO FAR!! RETURN IMMEDIATELY!! Man: Are you talking to me?
Lifeguard: Slide back to the wall! You are blocking the bubble jets! Repeat! You are blocking the bubble jets!
Man: Alright, fine.. Is right here good?
Lifeguard: Watch that underow, Sir! It'll blow you right out! Watch out!
Man: Wait.. what is this..?
Lifeguard: Siz o'clock, Sir! This side of the pool is for lap swimming only!
Man: What?
Lifeguard: Afternoon, Mr. Garson!
Lap Swimmer: Good to see you, Frank!
Lifeguard: Lap time is over!
Lap Swimmer: Whoo! That felt great!
Lifeguard: Resume general swim!
Man: [ stands up to dry himself ]
Lifeguard: NO DIVING, SIR!! NO DIVING!!
Man: I'm not diving..!
Lifeguard: THE ENTIRE STAFF APPRECIATES YOUR COOPERATION!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
Man: Oooh.. ahh.. ow..
Lifeguard: Is there an emergency, Sir?!
Man: No! I just got a small cramp in my toe..
Lifeguard: CRAMP?! Everyone, be calm! Stay away from this area! There's nothing to see here!
Man: You're not talking about me, are you..?
Lifeguard: Swimmer, do not panic! I am a trained professional lifesaver! Do not fight me, Sir! Just relax!
Man: What the hell are you doing!!
Lifeguard: Can you hear me, Sir!
Man: Yes, I can you!
Lifeguard: Can you hear me!
Man: Yes!
Lifeguard: Nooo! It's not your time yet!
Man: I'm okay!! I AM OKAY!! You know, I don't appreciate this! This is HORRIBLE!!
Lifeguard: That's okay, Sir! You don't have to thank me! You've been exposed to a horrible trauma! Just play it safe from now on! I think I'm gonna go for a little swim! |
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