Audio & Video/SNL

[SNL] Jim Carrey - Overprotective Lifeguard

cousteau 2006. 10. 2. 12:31

Overprotective Lifeguard    

Man / Will Ferrell 
Lifeguard / Jim Carrey 
Lap Swimmer/ Tim Meadows



SNL - 1996/05/18

 

Lifeguard:  No rough-housing.. in the spa! Settle down, please! 

Man: You're, uh.. you're talking to me? 

Lifeguard: Cut the horseplay, Sir.. or I'll be forced to eject you from the swimming facility.. thank you, so much! 

Man: I'm sorry.. uh.. who exactly are you? 

Lifeguard: Lifeguard on Duty, Sir! If you don't mind, I have to watch the water!

Man: You're the lifeguard for the little jacuzzi here? 

Lifeguard: Correct, Sir! Continue splashing, and I'll be forced to ban you from all aquatic activity! Thank you! 

Man: you know, I'm just splashing water on myself, on my face.. 

Lifeguard:  

Man: But I'm the only guy in this jacuzzi right now.. 

Lifeguard: I am on watch, Sir.. I cannot have this conversation right now!  ATTENTION, SWIMMER!! ATTENTION, SWIMMER!! YOU ARE TOO FAR!! RETURN IMMEDIATELY!! 

Man: Are you talking to me? 

Lifeguard: Slide back to the wall! You are blocking the bubble jets! Repeat! You are blocking the bubble jets! 

Man: Alright, fine.. Is right here good? 

Lifeguard: Watch that underow, Sir! It'll blow you right out! Watch out! 

Man: Wait.. what is this..? 

Lifeguard: Siz o'clock, Sir! This side of the pool is for lap swimming only! 

Man: What? 

Lifeguard: Afternoon, Mr. Garson! 

Lap Swimmer: Good to see you, Frank! 

Lifeguard: Lap time is over! 

Lap Swimmer: Whoo! That felt great! 

Lifeguard:  Resume general swim! 

Man: [ stands up to dry himself ] 

Lifeguard:  NO DIVING, SIR!! NO DIVING!! 

Man: I'm not diving..! 

Lifeguard:  THE ENTIRE STAFF APPRECIATES YOUR COOPERATION!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 

Man:  Oooh.. ahh.. ow.. 

Lifeguard: Is there an emergency, Sir?! 

Man: No! I just got a small cramp in my toe.. 

Lifeguard: CRAMP?!  Everyone, be calm! Stay away from this area! There's nothing to see here! 

Man: You're not talking about me, are you..? 

Lifeguard: Swimmer, do not panic! I am a trained professional lifesaver! Do not fight me, Sir! Just relax! 

Man: What the hell are you doing!! 

Lifeguard: Can you hear me, Sir! 

Man: Yes, I can you! 

Lifeguard: Can you hear me! 

Man: Yes! 

Lifeguard:  Nooo! It's not your time yet!

Man: I'm okay!! I AM OKAY!! You know, I don't appreciate this! This is HORRIBLE!! 

Lifeguard: That's okay, Sir! You don't have to thank me! You've been exposed to a horrible trauma! Just play it safe from now on!

I think I'm gonna go for a little swim! 

 

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